A reader writes in with a family finance dilemma:
*”When my cousin turned 17, my mum gave her an old car for free—no strings attached. But when I and my siblings turned 17, we had to work part-time jobs, save for months, and pay for everything ourselves. Why the double standard?”*
The Dilemma: Unequal Treatment or Just Bad Timing?
The reader explains:
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They and their siblings had to fund their own driving lessons and first cars through retail/hospitality jobs.
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Their cousin, however, was gifted a car when their mum upgraded hers.
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No financial help was offered to the immediate family, despite the car having resale value.
“It’s not jealousy—I just don’t understand why my cousin was worth the gift when we weren’t.”
Expert Insight: Why Do Parents Play Favorites?
Emily Braeger, The i Paper’s money reporter, weighs in:
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Timing & Circumstances Matter
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“When you turned 17, your mum may not have had a spare car.”
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“This could have been a spur-of-the-moment act of generosity.”
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Emotion Over Logic
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Parents don’t always think financially—sometimes they just “want to help” without considering fairness.
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Hidden Guilt?
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“Your mum might feel bad about not helping you and overcompensated with your cousin.”
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The Bigger Picture
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If this is part of a pattern of unfairness, it’s worth a calm conversation.
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“Money talks prevent resentment later.”
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How to Address Financial Unfairness in Families
✔ Don’t Accuse—Express Feelings
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“Mum, I was surprised when you gave [cousin] the car. It made me wonder why we didn’t get the same help.”
✔ Suggest Future Fairness
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“Next time you upgrade, could we discuss options first?”
✔ Recognize the Silver Lining
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“Having to work young taught me financial independence—but a little help would’ve been nice too.”
Readers’ Reactions: Is This Common?
Many families face unequal financial treatment. Some theories:
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“The youngest/neediest relative often gets more help.”
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“Parents sometimes favor extended family to avoid looking stingy.”
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“It’s not about love—just poor financial planning.”
Further Reading on Family Finances:
Have you experienced something similar? Share your story below.
